Saturday, August 03, 2013

Ivanshika - By the grace of God

Dear Ivanshika


This is perhaps the easiest and most difficult blog i will ever write.

Today you complete one month and i reminisce the beauty of this time with you filling the space reserved for you between your mom and me.  I want to tell you how you have made life beautiful in so many ways for us and so many in our families and near and dear ones. First thing you should always know and feel good about is that this month has been full of love and blessings for you and you will never be short of them my little angel. today i will only talk about how much you packed for me in those moments when i first saw you and held you in my arms..

The morning you arrived you changed so much in life. you changed what i was .. what your mom was and what your grandparents were before that.

The first moments were full of anxiety when i awaited your arrival and your mom was in the Operation Theater. In those few moments you re-taught me Faith as the answer to all anxiety.

In the moments that followed you taught me that Anxiety fades to give way to excitement .. and i cant tell you how excited i was to be the first one to look at my lovely little one out side the delivery room and how much i wanted to hold you in may arms and tell how much love was overflowing from me.

Excitement is difficult to conceal within and i had to share it with those who matter to me and you taught me one more reason why family is always family.

Excitement was followed by a wait .. Wait looks longer when your waiting but totally fades away once the wait is over.. and i was overwhelmed with love .. Love for my little one and her mother who had seen through so much anxiety and discomfort  to make you a living joy for us forever.

This is most important about those first few moments my dear - i was least interested in how you looked .. whether you took my looks or your moms.. i was not interested if u were fair or dark....i was practically least interested if you were a girl or a boy.. All that came to my mind was .. This is God's grace and i wished to know if you were healthy and doing well. The rest did not matter and it never will.. in that moment you taught me all that matters is if you do well and you remain healthy dear. So Always remember these will be least and most basic expectations your father will ever have from you. the rest all will be truly optional for us. To me you are a flower that i will always behold and protect and this is why i might appear conservative to you at times. But i will always be happy if you blossom and not otherwise dear.

When i first picked you up my lovely little angel.. you taught me responsibility .. your well being was my responsibility as long as i held you. I was responsible for you and i will continue to be always. In that moment as i moved with you in my arms i discovered that i needed to be careful myself to be able to care for you.

As your Nani and Masi looked at you ..and as i talked to you ba-dada the responsibility eased out and the joy returned.. cause family will support when u need it and that takes responsibility away so you can enjoy your joys and happiness with full wanton.

I was afraid to touch you and lift you cause in my mind i thought you would be so delicate that i might hurt you.. but love is what makes us soft and rough ..and love is what softened me to hold u so dear to me and the serenity in your face was the most comforting sight ever for me cause i somehow knew you sensed you were so comfortable in my hands.

All this soon was taken up into another thing you re-taught me .. your birth wasn't the end of a nine month long wait.. it was the beginning of a long journey for all of us .. you me your mom and your grandparents and the lovely family around us- all for you. To serve us well in this journey we quickly went about to collecting blessings for you while you were taken by the nurses to observe your vital signs.

Love you lots Ivanshika.. you are very special for us .. truly the Grace of God.. His Beauty!!!






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